… technically, I resigned. Friday was my last day at the day job.
I worked that day job for about 7.5 years, longer than Scout has walked the earth. The job began as a comfy pit stop.
The original idea, nearly 8 years ago, was to finish journalism school, then land for a year or so to pave the way for Scout’s arrival and our transition to a family of 3. Years later, we’re a family of 4+1 (we sometimes jokingly refer to Redux as our second child, born when Scout was a toddler).
I really did enjoy my job. I built things, made experiments, launched projects. I learned tons.
But I knew that job wasn’t where I was meant to be long term. Somehow the years crept, then blurred, and flew by.
For years my passwords were some iteration of “learn” and “go” with the current date. i.e. I was there to learn what I could, and then go, and the passwords were a constant reminder to myself. And every few months I’d update it and wonder why I was still there.
Resign sounds like defeat to me. Nope.
I quit.
There was no dramatic throwing of things across the room or yelling something and storming out the door. I just gave my 2 weeks. Thanked my team and appreciated an unexpectedly nice farewell on Zoom. And *POOF* a new start.
I quit thinking managing better was the answer.
I quit trying to make it all cram into one day.
I quit having my attention pulled in too many directions.
I quit an entire set of others’ priorities.
I quit a constant drip of emails and Slack messages.
I quit the excuses that a salary wraps a comfy blanket around inertia.
I quit being dragged here and there by the tyranny of the urgent, rather than driving at the important.
I quit feeling cranky and dismissive of Scout and Storm, not to mention Wonderwoman Grace.
I quit the blur.
Of course, this wasn’t some random impulse. The thought had germinated for years.
After we launched COURG via Kickstarter, one of my co-workers asked why I was still there, since I’d launched my own business. Big looking numbers can lead to big daydreams, apparently from others.
It was tempting to think I should have cut loose then and went all-in on Redux. I often wonder whether that would have been the right move.
But I know I wasn’t ready.
And now, 2020. It’s not that things have somehow become clearer. Quite the opposite.
Every time I send a newsletter out, I get a chorus of unsubscribes.
What did I say to annoy them? Maybe it was too long again. Maybe I made no sense.
But I’ve had to settle it in my mind and for my soul that maybe it’s just not the right fit for those people… at least not yet.
And maybe all they want is new watches and discounts.
I totally understand. I’m all for less emails, especially if they don’t add value for you right now.
It’s ok. No hard feelings.
And I also recognize that I’m not where I want to be on the level where I hope to equip and encourage you.
We have a vision for what we hope to build, but as far as the nitty gritty of how to get there, well that’s being worked out.
And I feel it requires my full focus.
We decided to take a six month runway and see where it leads.
I certainly don’t have it figured out.
But I’m not going to let that stop me from exploring and pushing out into the deep. Because that’s all I can do.
I’m quitting from the shallows. I’m quitting from clinging to the shore.
A couple years ago I felt the words, “Let us go over to the other side” resound deeply in my soul. In every fiber of my being.
I still have no idea exactly what that means, but I’ve been working it out, and I’m thankful to be on the way.
I know that the “other side” isn’t just some meta meaning, just some way of thinking.
We began to shove off shore in many ways.
Finding footholds to make a start.
I knew deep down that the Other Side meant a radical upside-down stomach lurching change. Less evolution and more revolution.
I’ve seen the horizon of the Other Side in my own work in spirit, soul and body. I feel more at peace than I ever have in my life.
I’ve glimpsed the other side in my marriage in the most profound and meaningful way with Wonderwoman grace.
I’ve glimpsed the joy and fulfillment of being present with the littles.
And I’m not shy about my faith because I feel closer to Jesus than ever before.
We started 2020 with ideas that it was meant to be a year of big change. We would run a Kickstarter. We hoped we would find confirmation that COURG was not a one hit wonder. And with that assurance we would leave the day job.
Well, that’s not how it worked out. And I’m thankful.
Thankful that I’m leaving for the most important and right reasons.
Thankful that in the end it was our call and not something that just happened to us — even if a severance package would have been nice to have.
I’m brutally aware that this is all probably too much information.
But I’m risking the overshare because I figure if I can just open up my soul a bit and show up, maybe it’ll help someone. Maybe someone will be encouraged.
To quit.
Doesn’t have to be your day job (unless you should).
Of course the follow-up question I’m repeatedly asked is: “Where are you going? What’s your new job?” As in, assuredly you have another job lined up already?
Well, yes. Just maybe not in the obvious way.
It’s not just about quitting, it’s about going.
Going to hit hard reset.
Going to learn how to homeschool Scout. Too many hours staring at a screen remotely learning. Remote in every sense. Scout asked to be homeschooled since even before the lockdown. It’s time.
Going to focus on serving you all better.
Going to start a new chapter.
Going to the Other Side.
Who’s with me?